it just hurts
and it should.
i deserve it for what you went through.
i'm sorry for everything.
i'm sorry for having been the saddest chapter in your life.

go and find your real love.
go and be beautiful.
go and be happy.
if you stay
you'll only become more disgusted
as i try to struggle out
of this monster skin

just don't lie to me anymore.
if you want to see him, see him
and stop seeing me
and letting me feel like you might come back
and that there might be hope
tell me its over
tell me i lost and he won

i know you think that i won't love you like you want
i know you think i'll hurt you
and as long as you think that
you'll be right.

so all the sad songs make sense and apply to this end.
they have weakened it, cheapened it.
it is much more painful than any of them even let on.
i could never sing about this with collapsing into a heap

and i hear you in my head
and see you crying
and saying its not fair
that you tried
and you stayed up nights crying
while i slept
and that you tried
and that you loved me
and that you just can't do it again
i know you can't
i'm not asking you to anymore
what an audaciously selfish thing to
to ask you to come back to me
after that

go.
i'll find some way to forget everything
to not imagine you
with someone else
to not want you at night
and in the morning
and in the middle of the day
to not remember
and hear you in
little turns of phrase
and silly things
that i will say to our daughter
to not imagine you and your camera
everywhere around here
to not cry
when all of this happens at once
i'll find some way
to just sort of stumble
through the rest of this
wretched fucking life
that i never should have mixed you up in in the first place.