i was looking at your picture
when the song came on
random
and spelled the same
your wedding beamed at me
Cheshire
and your birthday candles
winked at you

there are some years here
and they will grow
but i will remember that summer
drunk and intense
and trying to be
real
and still feel

i just can't
let go that little nugget
of maybe
that we'd have been ok
maybe if i'd shown up
you wouldn't have
laughed me down
weird would have been fine
and maybe a little normal
would have been wierd

but here,
in this place
this far out into the ocean
floating and bobbing
and waiting to die
i can only watch you
as you watch me
from the railing of the ship
in your wedding dress
as i just float away
no waving
just watch
until we are smaller
and smaller
and the sun finally goes down
and the ocean sky comes up
and i finally get to do that one thing
i've always wanted to do
maybe you haven't gone inside yet
maybe you're still there
wondering if i'm looking up too.
you are.
i know you are.
goodnight.